Letting Go…

For me letting go is a really hard thing to do, I feel like I need to hold on just a little bit longer, or things will get better and truthfully it’s the most draining difficult thing to do..holding on to people you should not be hanging on to. One thing I’m trying to teach myself is if I wake up every day and someone in my life has me feeling down trigger my happiness in a negative way they don’t belong. Why is it so hard to let go of people that truly don’t want the best for you but it’s so easy to let go the good ones?? …


As A Child.

As a child life was so easy and fun back then, had nothing to worry about unless you did something bad, like fighting, stealing, swearing, or even misbehaving etc. oh my as a child you went on bike rides with friends or even your favourite cousins, or just a walk to the park and got home before dark and still had a little bit of time for tv after showering before getting sent off to bed. Then you start getting a bit older and for some of us it was still fun and just being able to enjoy our young days, and while some of us was still able to smile and enjoy life. Behind closed doors it was something else..something deeper and troubling that only you kept to yourself because you were afraid of getting into trouble or just thinking people won’t beleive you. She was about ten and over the summer her and her sister use to go to her dads workplace (her mom worked with dad at the time so it made sense to just bring the kids along). Her dad hired a guy that needed work and from the moment he laid eyes on her she felt extremely uncomfortable. As the days and week go by he got very brave and started touching ME inappropriately. My parents felt as if they could trust him enough and that he would be doing his work and my sister and I would be doing whatever; I remember it like it happened yesterday. My sister and I was playing in the front and I remember as we were playing he came to the front and in a gentle fun way  he pressed are foreheads together so we would be facing down, and that was the first time he touched my butt…then the second time he called me in the back office and I got scared but I still went and he touched my chest and my front from outside my pants, and I remember telling my cousin who was also experimenting on my sister and I and she laughed right in my face! and I just know I went numb and blank, even to this day I can’t remember what she said. It continued for about a good two weeks I beleive, until I builded up the courage to tell my mom what had happened and she ask me why didn’t I tell her and that was the end of it. She packed my sister and I bag and sent us off to my aunty house (cousin who was experimenting on us) for the whole week and when I got home we never spoke about it ever again.That didn’t help me to heal what so ever, we basically just threw it into a box tossed the keys, but kept the box and wasn’t able to open it because the key was nowhere to be found. So with that on my chest I had to deal with this cousins who I considered my favourite cousin growing up, but as an adult who is trying to build a life with a child and a wonderful boyfriend  and still healing I started to realize what a shitty, not so protective cousin she was. She is older than me by I believe two or three years and she introduced me into touching myself and even touching her and all that other stuff and it was just soo wrong, peer pressured into sneaking out and having older guys violate me, snitching on me about little things to family member just for money. From time to time growing up we would stop talking and then start talking again..and recently she decided to walk out my life and as much as I was hurt at first, I’m glad she walked away..her excuse was just bullshit and I know the real reason and that’s all that matters and I don’t plan to be buddy buddy and alright with someone that did that to me…all I know is I’m still here and as much as my past was a damaging one to me I will be ok.

I learned that if you don’t talk to someone and heal, it will haunt you from time to time and that is the worse part. You sit and think you forgot and that you are ok, but you smell a certain scent or see a certain scene, color, people and it just hits you, and the more it hits the more disturbing and hard it gets. So for anyone that has had this happen to them..get help, talk to someone and have conversations with the kids in your life to make sure they are ok and that they can come to you if anything like that happens to them. My daughter is five and I make sure to tell her not to let people touch her in certain places or ways and if its uncomfortable she can com to mommy and daddy and to never be scared and that she won’t get in trouble. Never excuse such actions and never dismiss the fact that we all need to talk to someone when it happens, it’s not ok to be MOLESTED.

Couple Days After Election.

So it’s been a couple days after the election and as we all know TRUMP was elected. Some people like myself are still in shock and just confused and others are very excited…

The way I feel about the election is..I feel like it was rigged, people that was suppose to vote never voted, this just shows me how messed up America is, and the people that stand with this man! (I’m Speechless). How can a man that’s so sexist, racist, ignorant, hateful, misogynist and a narcissist etc. be able to stand up and say “I the President!”.. ever since I heard he was running and his on-going bad behavior along with what goes on at his rallies, I’ve been slapped back into reality of what is really going on in the world. People, Racism is still alive and it’s still fresh. With this man running America he his opening doors for all types of violent and he is opening doors for all the racist to come from behind closed doors and show their faces and do what racist people do. I also truly feel that some people that voted for him is tired of what America has been offering especially to certain class (low-class people) they just want some type f change, and with a man like trump with a lot of money I think they feel like he would be great and be able to carry in his business mind set and make something different and good happen for them, but the reality is Trump doesn’t care about the people, not even his own “supporters” and by the way he talks and go on it’s very clear.

I’m just scared for our future and our children future as well, and for those people that really think they will not be affected by what is about to happen, they are in for the shock of their lives.

How do you feel about Trump being the president, and do you think our future is in for a deep awakening??…



This is the post excerpt.

Hey Beautiful! I  always wanted to start my own Blog page but I was extremely nervous about going down this road just because of some of the people I might come across. But I decided to suck it up and make one of my goals happen..so here I am!!!

On my Blog I will be sharing my thought/Opinions, Experiences etc. maybe some beauty and whatever comes to mind. While on this journey I would love to hear from everyone, share your thoughts/opinion with me along with some ideas and experiences of any sort…Lets Talk.



what does 100% mean to you? To me, when seeing 100% I think of a perfect mark..well that’s what we’ve been told growing up by our parents and teachers. But does such percentage really matter? I don’t really care for such a high percentage, no one is perfect.. we all can’t  give 100% especially when it comes to relationships, friendships, family, school and work. All we can do is try our best, give what we can. So if you wake up today and everyone around you wants you to give 100% in all that you do, don’t stress yourself, you give what you can. It doesn’t mean your life is over, your dumb, hopeless, lazy, it doesn’t mean any of those. We weren’t build to be perfect, so why should we wake up every morning feeling the need to give out that much. What you do is wake up in the morning decide what goal you want to accomplish today and try your best, do what you can… because some of the smartest/successful people in this world go through school and life giving 50% and be sitting exactly where they planned on being. My whole point is, and I had to tell myself this as well, is do not feel bad, hopeless, or give up because today you didn’t or couldn’t hit that 100% mark our parents and teachers filled our heads with…you can give 35%-50% and still reach your goals.

Do you think  going through life, daily plans and goals, 100% really matters?..