As A Child.

As a child life was so easy and fun back then, had nothing to worry about unless you did something bad, like fighting, stealing, swearing, or even misbehaving etc. oh my as a child you went on bike rides with friends or even your favourite cousins, or just a walk to the park and got home before dark and still had a little bit of time for tv after showering before getting sent off to bed. Then you start getting a bit older and for some of us it was still fun and just being able to enjoy our young days, and while some of us was still able to smile and enjoy life. Behind closed doors it was something else..something deeper and troubling that only you kept to yourself because you were afraid of getting into trouble or just thinking people won’t beleive you. She was about ten and over the summer her and her sister use to go to her dads workplace (her mom worked with dad at the time so it made sense to just bring the kids along). Her dad hired a guy that needed work and from the moment he laid eyes on her she felt extremely uncomfortable. As the days and week go by he got very brave and started touching ME inappropriately. My parents felt as if they could trust him enough and that he would be doing his work and my sister and I would be doing whatever; I remember it like it happened yesterday. My sister and I was playing in the front and I remember as we were playing he came to the front and in a gentle fun way  he pressed are foreheads together so we would be facing down, and that was the first time he touched my butt…then the second time he called me in the back office and I got scared but I still went and he touched my chest and my front from outside my pants, and I remember telling my cousin who was also experimenting on my sister and I and she laughed right in my face! and I just know I went numb and blank, even to this day I can’t remember what she said. It continued for about a good two weeks I beleive, until I builded up the courage to tell my mom what had happened and she ask me why didn’t I tell her and that was the end of it. She packed my sister and I bag and sent us off to my aunty house (cousin who was experimenting on us) for the whole week and when I got home we never spoke about it ever again.That didn’t help me to heal what so ever, we basically just threw it into a box tossed the keys, but kept the box and wasn’t able to open it because the key was nowhere to be found. So with that on my chest I had to deal with this cousins who I considered my favourite cousin growing up, but as an adult who is trying to build a life with a child and a wonderful boyfriend  and still healing I started to realize what a shitty, not so protective cousin she was. She is older than me by I believe two or three years and she introduced me into touching myself and even touching her and all that other stuff and it was just soo wrong, peer pressured into sneaking out and having older guys violate me, snitching on me about little things to family member just for money. From time to time growing up we would stop talking and then start talking again..and recently she decided to walk out my life and as much as I was hurt at first, I’m glad she walked away..her excuse was just bullshit and I know the real reason and that’s all that matters and I don’t plan to be buddy buddy and alright with someone that did that to me…all I know is I’m still here and as much as my past was a damaging one to me I will be ok.

I learned that if you don’t talk to someone and heal, it will haunt you from time to time and that is the worse part. You sit and think you forgot and that you are ok, but you smell a certain scent or see a certain scene, color, people and it just hits you, and the more it hits the more disturbing and hard it gets. So for anyone that has had this happen to them..get help, talk to someone and have conversations with the kids in your life to make sure they are ok and that they can come to you if anything like that happens to them. My daughter is five and I make sure to tell her not to let people touch her in certain places or ways and if its uncomfortable she can com to mommy and daddy and to never be scared and that she won’t get in trouble. Never excuse such actions and never dismiss the fact that we all need to talk to someone when it happens, it’s not ok to be MOLESTED.

Author: JLetstalk

I, Johnnique Johnson, I'm a full time college student studying to be a counselor/advocate for (AWCCA) and living in Toronto,ON. I always wanted to start my own blog and decided to finally accomplish that goal, I love writing whatever is on my mind at the time and what better way to express myself and hear from others.

5 thoughts on “As A Child.”

  1. WOW! I’m so sorry to hear that. Unfortunately so many things happen to us in life that we’d love to have been able to change but we can’t. What I’ve learned however, is that the bad things that do happen are so that we can one day stand on the other side of the pain and help someone else. Thank you for being brave enough to share this! Great post! 💜

    Liked by 1 person

      1. I feel so too, because just like me I realize alot of people keep the pain to thmeselves and it becomes a big issue in their life and its just sad when its pushed under the rug by family.

        Liked by 1 person

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